Friday, 24 September 2010

I now pronounce you man and beast!

Dictionary result for the word “Family”
“A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of two parents and their children.”

Less than one generation ago – i.e. when I was a boy – everyone I knew (and I mean everyone) had a Mum and a Dad and maybe some brothers or sisters.
Dad would go to work in the morning, suitcase or lunch-box in hand and not return until the evening whilst Mum looked after the house, the shopping, the washing, the ironing, the cooking, the hoovering and a million other things, including us kids when we got back from school.
So . . . Dad was in charge, Mum was second in command and we kids respected and obeyed them (well, most of the time at least!).
Jump a mere 40 years into the future and what the Smeg has happened???
Most children’s father, mother or both are a.w.o.l. (absent without leave) and do not care about their offspring at all. If you are lucky and can find a complete set of ‘the family’, then you will often find that Mum is out working and banging on about equal rights, Dad is also out working and complaining about the b#tches at work. Cooking is done by McDonalds, Pizzahut and the microwave courtesy of Tesco, Asda and Morrisons.
The kids won’t move out until they are 37 years old (“We cannot get on the property ladder and you can’t make me leave!!) and most parents don’t even seem to realise that their kids have long grown up, since they ‘haven’t really talked much lately’ and have forgotten who is in charge.

But mostly there is no Dad (or Mum) anymore. Dad (or Mum) thought that Mum (or Dad) would look after the kids. Mum (or Dad) (ill supported by the government) went to work and thought that the school would look after their kids. The school thought that the parents are still together and look after the kids and the government just keeps on passing laws to ensure that no one can look after the kids who can now sue their parents and their schools for as much as touching them. If these children however go wrong, then parents are suddenly responsible!!
To summarize:
Family life starts out well but our crazy life style soon unravels the family into a group of individual parasites grappling for position and materials insisting that they all have rights rather than privileges. Here then comes the real Kvetch of the day!
Not happy with messing things up along the way, the government has totally caved in on what they will permit in the first place! Today you do not need to marry in a church or, failing spiritual belief, in a register office – no!! – you can jump out of an aircraft and get married hurtling naked, with a naked registrar, towards earth whilst saying your vows. Alternatively you can do the same under water or on a roller-coaster ride. Anything goes! You dream it up – they will facilitate it – and – it’s legal!! Yes, Sir!!
Not enough???? Do not fret! Now men can marry men and women can marry women!!
“Hi, little one! Where is your Mum and . . . eeehhm . . Mum??”
Since there is no passing on of original genes of a married couple (and God only knows where gene material originated!) sentences like: “You’ve got your Daddy’s eyes!” or “You get your patience from your Mum!” will never be heard again. On the positive side, both ‘parents’ and kids can blame their biological contributor for most things and get away with it!
The old fact of wisdom that ‘blood is thicker than water’ will no longer apply and the bond between ‘parents’ and children will be as thick as water!
So, in another 40 years time, what will be???Mum and Uncle? Dad and daughter? Fred, Jeff, Harry and Monique??
The Firefly asks: "What if Gemma feels a twinge of passion for Hector, the Rottweiler or Shepherd Sam has a special bond with Shona, the sheep??
I pronounce you man and beast"??

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