Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Still no Cash for You, Buster!!

Remember the gripe I wrote about not too long ago regarding a certain bank??
Look below to refresh your memory!
Have you looked???
Well, here now is part II of the saga.

After having set up all my online banking details with that bank I did not use it because I couldn’t remember all the details.
I got phone call after phone call from them, no doubt wanting to know why I still haven’t used my bank account or credit card. However I always motioned to my family that I was not in to talk to them.
About 2 weeks ago in a weak moment of guilt and remorse I sat down in front of my computer, pulled the keyboard towards me and brought up the log on screen for the bank.
To my utter surprise I managed to get past all the security questions at the 3rd attempt and was presented with my account details.
“You have nil pounds and nil pence in your account!”
Sacre Bleu!! That must be because I have not put any money in! (Can you feel the sarcasm??)
So I transferred £800 just to get me started, exchanged my credit and debit cards in my wallet to the new shiny ones from bank XXX and thought no more about it!
A few days later I found myself in a shopping centre in Milky Beans (Nickname for the town of Milton Keynes) and thought to myself: “Self! You really should change your pin code to something you can easily remember!”
So I went to the cash point, entered my card and my pin number and the screen promptly ask me if I wanted to change my pin number!

Erik: YES
Machine: Enter your original pin again
Erik: (type type type type)
Machine: Now enter your new pin
Erik: (type type type type)
Machine: Enter your new pin again
Erik: (type type type type)
Machine: Please wait while we contact your bank
Erik: (Doopeedoopeedoo . . tralala . . humdeedum)
Machine: Your bank has refused your pin change!
Erik: What the ????
Machine: Please take your card
Erik: (SNAP) Gorram &£$^+$^£ Bank!!!

So I go back home and phone the bank. After wanting to know my collar size, how quickly I can run a mile and whether or not circumcision had ever crossed my mind (only they call it “Taking you through security”) I was finally free to explain what had happened.

“Did you try and change your pin at a XXX, YYY or ZZZ Bank???”
“No, it was a WWW-Bank!”
“Aaaaahhhh!!! That won’t work!! You can only do this at a a XXX, YYY or ZZZ Bank!”
“OK, nice for your bank to tell me so in advance – NOT!!”
“No wait!! Hmmm?? That is strange!! Your pin number has been changed today! So it must have worked after all!!”

(Now we fast forward a few days when I am at Milky Beans station en route to London!)
“Day-Return ticket to London please!”
“OK, just slot your card in the reader and type in your number!”
(Can you guess what is going to come next??? . . . )

Erik: (type type type type) – The new pin number!
Machine: “Computer says NO”
Erik: (type type type type) – The old pin number!
Machine: “Computer says NO – and by the way . . do that again and we bar your card! Get it?!?!”
Station counter staff: “Tsssss!!!”
Queue in line after me “TSSSSSSS!!!”
Me: (Sweat, puff, pant, grin)
After a swift replacement of the Debit Card to the new XXX Credit Card I try again!
Since I only have some small change and some fluff in my pockets I decide to go to the cash point to get some much needed Claude (as in Claude Monet – Money) out.
First I try the debit card again with both numbers, none of which works.
Then I slide in the credit card, which it accepts and ask for some money!

Erik: Just gimme (type type) Pounds!
Machine: Please wait while we process your request!
Erik: (Doopeedoopeedoo . . tralala . . humdeedum)
Machine: Your bank has refused your request!
Erik: What the ????
Machine: Please take your card and never darken our door again. You are obviously penniless!
Erik: (SNAP) Gorram &£$^+$^£ Bank!!! That’s it!!

The station counter staff looked a bit puzzled as I asked for some scissors and proceeded to cut up the cards in question!

I can’t wait for the next call from XXX Bank to quiz me over the lack of tranactions on my account! I will tell you all about it when it happened!

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