Thursday, 7 October 2010

Hocus Pocus in Focus

For some time now we have a Focus (D.I.Y.-Supermarket) in our town and as I needed some sort of chain to hold our patio doors open with I decided to pay a visit!
After all . . . how difficult can it be?!!! Right??
I soon located the section with different type of chains. You know the one where you measure how many metres you want, use the conveniently positioned cutter and take it to the cash desk.
Well, that's what I did!
Here then is the conversation as I approach the woman at the till:

"Here you are - 3 metres of chain!"
"Right . . tying someone up today, are we?? (Snort, snort)"
"Yeah . . (smiling sweetly - face as if constipated)"
"I have no code for that! No wait!!! I can look it up in our picture catalogue!! (thumbs through pages with the speed of a stunned slug).
This looks a bit like it!" she says grabbing her scan gun and running it over the bar code next to the picture.
'Blip' goes the till showing a price of £3.59
"That's not right! This chain is only £2.99 per metre!"
(Looks again through the catalogue, thumbs past 'chains')"Naah, them are ropes now! See?!! (points at a picture of a rope)"
"Can't you just type in the price??"
"Naaahh, I need a code, see?!!"
"Well, don't look at me!! I don't have a code!"
(Picks up the microphone) "Jason to till 2 please - till 2 - Jason!!"
A minute later a tall, skinny, spotty young dude with a bad haircut arrives.
"Ah, Jason, we need a code for that chain" (points to the chain on the desk)
"That chain??!!" he replies, pointing at the same chain as if there was more than one anywhere within viewing distance.
"Yeah, that chain! Can you go and get us a code?"
Pimpleface picks up the chain and walks off with it, eventually returning with chain in one hand and cell phone in the other.
"I keyed the code into my phone!" he proudly announces. He presses a few buttons and then reads out: "5-2-3-4-4 6-3-6-1-1 7-7-4-9-8"
Every digit is repeated by the woman behind the till followed by a small 'blip' as she punches the key.

'Beeeeeeeeeeepp!!' goes the till.
"Naaaahh!! That code is not right!!" she announces, shaking her head in an 'I don't know what to do about this' manner.
The by now sizable queue of customers waiting to pay at the only till currently open starts to grumble and mutter no doubt wondering which of those two utter nerds to kill first.
A third assistant arrives! To open another till?? Nooooooo!!! To open the catalogue and scan various items until he finds something worth £2.99
He finally comes across it and says: "'ere! Use that one!"
She scans it and says: "That's £6.58, please!"
In my head I am thinking '£2.99 times 3 metres = £8.97!' and reply to her:
"£6.58??? How can that even be possible????"
"Oooohhh!! Silly me!!! I forgot to cancel the first incorrect price! Let me start again! (a customer at the back of the queue whines silently) Horrayyy!! Now I got it right!! That's £2.99, please!!"
I have lost the will to argue, fear the wrath of the menacing crowds and pay up, my Christian conscience only pricking me slightly for only having paid a third of the correct price.
Lord have mercy!!!

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